Weekly Soundtrack

Pernice Brothers Edition

Sometimes there's just nothing better than a sad song, and Joe Pernice and his little band have a better handle on a certain kind of urban wistfulness than any other artist working on the planet today. Not just breakup songs, but also ruminations about failure and loss of all sorts, they have an uncanny ability to find the core of sadness in a beautiful moment. You probably only know about them (if at all) from a song they had in a Sears (!?!) commercial, or from being around me while I couldn't stop talking about them. In a better world they would get played on radio stations you can actually hear without a police scanner.

1. "Judy" from Yours, Mine & Ours...A song about watching The Wizard of Oz while a loved one sleeps on the couch? You gotta be kidding me. Until he says "So let's pretend our lives will never end. Somehow. Someway." I can't listen to this song very often, because it just kills me.

2. "Zero Refills" from Live a Little...If Kevin Federline wrote this song I would say that he was a genius. I put a lot of emphasis on the lyrics, but the way they let the last chord of the chorus sustain is a perfect, beautiful touch.

3. "Cronulla Breakdown" from The World Won't End...this may be the best last-song-on-the-album since "Here Comes A Regular." Simple and lovely.

So Long, Suckers!

Three Bands That Must Be Forcibly Disbanded:

1. The Fray...am I the only one who thinks the Fray is the worst band of all time? They make Counting Crows (to whom they bear a passing resemblance) sound like the fucking Butthole Surfers. At least Adam Duritz can write a decent verse. In "How To Save A Life" they rhyme 'right' with 'right', 'best' with 'best', and 'thing' with 'everything.' Even my three-year-old daughter knows that is lazy songwriting.

2. Nickelback...they're Canadian, which is an immediate red flag, and the lead singer has the worst Jheri-curl/mullet in history. They had a fluke hit with "How You Remind Me" and they've been rewriting it ever since. The big mystery is, "Who likes them?" Do you know anyone who has any of their albums?

3. The Killers...I kinda dig "Mr. Brightside" but after that I don't get them at all. Hot Fuss is just Duran Duran B-sides, and while the new album is supposed to be Springsteen-style tales of Americana, they seemed like such poseurs on SNL that I thought they were fucking with me.

Weekly Soundtrack

Matthew Sweet Edition:

1. "Falling" from Altered Beast...An overlooked tune buried on Side Two of an overlooked album. The critics didn't like this record because it was bitter and pissed-off-sounding, but that's exactly why I like it. This song perfectly encapsulates that helpless, hopeless feeling of losing something forever, and it has the added bonus of letting Richard Lloyd absolutely burn nonstop for five minutes.
2. "Ugly Truth Rock" from Altered Beast...The angriest tune from that record and, also, the most fun.
3. "You Don't Love Me" from Girlfriend...This has become the soundtrack for my failing marriage. For maximum misery, grab a drink and set on infinite repeat.

Weekly Soundtrack

1. "Mississippi Queen" by Mountain...great riff, great lyrics, great cowbell. The holy grail of Big Dumb Rock Songs.
2. "Love Removal Machine" by the Cult...a close, close second. Good guitar heroics, nuance-free bellowing vocals, no cowbell. "Check this one!" Rock on, dude.
3. "Take It So Hard" by Keith Richards...so ramshackle and seemingly tossed-off, yet soooo cool. He was the musical guest on SNL when this album came out, and I taped it and watched it over and over. Every time my dad saw it he said the same thing: "He sucks." Yeahhhh...

Tigers Win! The Tigers Win!!!!

Way to go, Detroit! The Tigers flat-out smoked the Yankees, and real baseball fans everywhere rejoiced. This is sure to sound like sour grapes since I'm a Red Sox fan, but, trust me, I'm not a knee-jerk Yankee hater. Well, maybe I am, but humor me here.
The Tigers lost 119 games just a couple years ago, which is an American League record. Jeremy Bonderman, who won today's series-clinching game, lost 19 games that year. Today he totally dominated a powerful lineup that looked like they really wanted to be somewhere else. This was a huge comeback for the Detroit Tigers, one that's been three years in the making.
The most puzzling thing is that there was no resiliency to the Yankees. They couldn't get anything going, and once they got behind they couldn't come back. And let's not even talk about a $200 million payroll that has to start Jaret Wright in any kind of big game. The New York pitching was just wretched.
Perhaps now we can stop all this Jeter as the most clutch player of all-time stuff. Jeez, to hear some people talk you'd think he performs a few miracles every day on his way to the ballpark. As a member of freakishly gifted teams from 1996-2000 he was a big time winner. As a player on underachiving teams with huge payrolls he hasn't shown an ability to carry them or overcome their deficiencies (see: Ortiz, D - 2004). I'm not saying he's a stiff like that punk Sheffield, but he's not a player who can dominate games like Ortiz or Pujols.
And let me also smile over the imminent demise of Mr. J. Torre. My dislike for him has already been documented, but this series really tops it off. Sheffield at first base in an elimination game? Nice! Letting the useless A-Rod totally drag you down? Sure thing, Joe! Everyone makes excuses for Torre when the Yankees lose in October: the team didn't have enough pitching, the hitters didn't come through. Eventually though a team's shortcomings has to fall on the manager, and maybe this is finally the year. And for that I personally want to thank Detroit. I hope thay go on to win the whole thing.

The True Meaning of Football

So I'm in this pool at work where we pick every NFL game against the spread for the whole season. The winner will get around $300, so I'm taking it seriously, but, man, it's fucking exhausting. I don't even know who's playing this week and it's already friggin' Thursday. I guess the Patriots are gonna maul the hapless Dolphins, but beyond that I'm lost.
See, the thing is: I suck at picking games. I picked Miami two different times after it was clear that they couldn't beat Ball State. I picked San Francisco to cover against a pissed-off Eagles team who butchered them by 30 points. My strategy is to pick against Oakland every week, but beyond that it's a crapshoot.
The good thing is that the other guys in the pool are just as bad as I am. Or they're sandbagging me so that I don't get too far behind and drop out and cost them loot. All I know for sure is that the Carolina Panthers are killing each and every one of us.

I toyed with the idea of posting my picks every week, but ultimately I think that would be pretty dull (read: embarassing). If I'm still in first place around week 10 I might check back, but there are a lot of games to pick and the potential for a backbreaking 3-13 week is pretty good, so I'm gonna play it close to the vest for now.
The funny thing is that anyone can sound like an expert when they're talking about games before they are played. "Oh yeah, Dallas is gonna be so distracted by the TO suicide thing that Tennessee will be able to keep it close." And then Dallas wins 45-14. And you look like a jerk. But for just one shining moment you sounded like you knew what you were talking about. And maybe if you were lucky you convinced someone in your pool to take Tennessee, too. So it's the bullshitting before the games that's almost as much fun as being right. The genius of the NFL is that the buildup to the games is as much fun as the actual contests (or if the game in question involves Cleveland, it's actually more fun to talk about it and then watch something else.)

Weekly Soundtrack

If I wasn't so incompetent there would be a music player on this page so anyone who wanted to could listen to the songs on this soundtrack. But after more than a weekend of fucking around I gave up and just posted the songs like always. If you know anything about posting mp3s or RSS feeds, leave a comment. If not, leave a comment.

1. "No Surprises" by Radiohead

2. "Inside Out" by The Mighty Lemon Drops...I heard this song on the radio and it really caught my ear. A decent song, even though I had totally forgotten that it existed.

3. "Let's Stay Together" by Al Green...such a friggin' great vibe on this song. The whole album is so masterfully underplayed that it could never get made today. A producer would hear it and decide that it needed some samples and fucked-up drum loops and a shitty guest rapper from the Black Eyed Peas and the whole magic of the music would just get crushed.

Weekly Soundtrack

1. "Staring In Her Eyes" by Richard Hell and the Voidoids...from the stunning intro to the killer solo, this has gotta be Robert Quine's finest moment. It might be the best non-Hendrix solo ever.
2. "Cortez the Killer" by Neil Young and Crazy Horse...I agonized over this or "Powderfinger."
3. "Powerderfinger" by Neil Young and Crazy Horse...why make things difficult for myself?

Who Needs Another Top 10 List?

A while ago I wrote that the Smiths wouldn't make my top 10 all-time bands, and ever since I've wondered what that list would look like. After pondering my collection and reminiscing about various musical crushes I've had ("Hello, Zwan!") I think my list would look something like this:


1. Television...only two proper studio albums in their heyday, but Marquee Moon is still my favorite album of all time. And to think that I hated it the first twenty times I listened to it.
2. R.E.M...I think I've said enough about these guys.
3. The Replacements...drunken romantics with their hearts on their sleeves. It's no stretch to say that I patterned a large chunk of my life after them.
4. The Beatles...when I was young and stupid I said they sucked, but I don't think it's an overstatement to call them the musical equivalent of Shakespeare in the sense that huge chunks of our culture don't exist without them.
5. The Rolling Stones...it's funny: twenty years ago I thought they were pretty old, but now looking back on those days, they seem kinda young.
6. Sonic Youth...I don't think I have anything of theirs after Dirty and that was 1992. So how can they be a favorite band if I don't follow them anymore? Good question. Here's the answer: Sister and Daydream Nation were so far beyond the cool threshold and rocked my socks so much, that they earn the band an unending reservoir of affection which totally overrides the fact that I'm not that interested in the new stuff.
7. The Clash...I'm shocked that I have them this low. If you ever meet me in a bar, don't get me started on these guys. I'll never stop talking.
8. The Pixies...I wasn't sure if they were gonna make it, but considering how much they rocked at a time when rock was in short supply, I guess I'd be a fool to leave them off.
9. Versus...I'll never convince you of their greatness, so let's just leave it at that.
10. Creedence Clearwater Revival...My mom played Chronicle endlessly when I was a kid and that's why I love my mom.


Honorable mention goes to the following bands without whom I'd simply be ectoplasm: New York Dolls, Buffalo Tom, The Stooges (how did they not make Top Ten?!?), Husker Du, Sex Pistols, Nirvana, Pavement, and They Might Be Giants.

Weekly Soundtrack

1. "Shore Leave" by Tom Waits...Somebody could write a book titled Uses of The Moon in Tom Waits Songs...
2. "If We Make It Through December" by Merle Haggard...If anybody wrote a song this good today I'd fucking keel over and die.
3. "Every Day You've Been Away" by Bebel Gilberto...We have our first repeat song. This song is so good and so strange. It sounds like a rehearsal take: the time wanders all over and her phrasing is bizarre and tentative in spots, but forget all that. It's so intimate and personal sounding, you almost want to be quiet so you don't disturb her.

Corrections, etc.

Let me say this: I wish I had a good excuse. When I said a little over a month ago that Varitek going down wouldn't kill the Sox I wish I had been drunk or on medication or suffering from amnesia. But I wasn't, and Varitek going down did kill the Sox because they brought in the useless Javy Lopez (who's probably still adjusting his sunglasses on his flight out of Logan after getting released this afternoon), and Mirabelli went thorough a stretch where he forgot how to call a decent game.

In all fairness to myself: Shilling got hurt, A-Gon got hurt, Manny got 'hurt', Ortiz had heart palpitations and Lester got cancer. That's a lot of fucking bad luck to throw on top of Varitek. Francona looks like someone shot his dog, and who can blame him: he's probably spent more time making hospital visits than he has figuring out which series of no-name pitchers he's gonna stitch together into a rotation.

I feel kind of bad for this team. I guess I never really thought they were that good, but they were in first place right up until the start of August. That fooled me into thinking they were better than they were. And so, in true Sox fashion, when it fell apart, I felt utterly deflated. And having the watershed series of the season come at home against the Yankees just seems like piling on. Why couldn't it have been the Twins who took 'em out?

I'll root for the Tigers for the rest of the season, I guess. But it feels weird to be shifting my focus to the Patriots so soon.

Weekly Soundtrack

1. "Once In A Lifetime" by Talking Heads...More resonant the older I get.
2. "Every Day You've Been Away" by Bebel Gilberto...Loving Brazilian music right now (even though this song is in English).
3. "Start Choppin'" by Dinosaur, Jr...uh, great guitar playing, anyone? Fucking brilliant is more like it.

Hey, chicken!

This is keeping me from killing myself as the Red Sox give it up all weekend long.

Five Game Weekend

Well if this isn't the perfect way to end my perfectly mediocre vacation: a five-game series with the fuckin' Yankees. This ought to go well. The Sox can barely find five pitchers to start these games, and as for their bullpen, well, let me say this: I can't stand their asses.
The big thing is that I keep getting strung along by this team. It's apparent that they don't have enough anything, yet they won't go away. And really, I blame the Yankees. If they would just put together a nice 10-game win streak the Sox would fade into the depths of a so-so season, and we could all get psyched for the Pats. As it is, the Sox keep hanging around, two or three games back, looking like they could still be contenders. In reality, they only have two decent pitchers, and I just don't see that being enough.
I don't need the frustration of this right now. I really don't. Rudy Seanez is pitching (if you can call it that) in the first game and, God, why doesn't someone go give him a hug?

(ed. note: I was compelled to change that last line after my wife pointed out that the original version seemed to advocate violence against Mr. Seanez. I wish him no ill will, and I understand that the game was lost by the time he came in, but, boy, is he depressing to watch.)

Best Consumer Product Ever!

Say hello to my little friend. The Moka Express. This thing is no joke: a little water, a little coffee, five minutes and, BAM, espresso. All for $20. At that price I can buy four and put one on each burner of my stove and really get my groove on. I was gonna pay $1,499 at Williams-Sonoma for a machine that makes a fuckin' cup of coffee, but then I realized, "Hey, this thing costs half as much as my goddam car. And I can't even drive it home!" You should go to Bed Bath and Beyond and buy one of these little gadgets, even if you don't drink coffee. You never know when I might stop by.

Weekly Soundtrack

1. "While Away" by Madder Rose...Some asshole slagged this song in Spin magazine and I haven't read it since.

2. "Cotton Crown" by Sonic Youth...I thought Whitney Houston should have done a version of this song. Before she became a crackhead.
3. "Blue Line Swinger" by Yo La Tengo...Chosen over the more prosaic (and admittedly better) "Tom Courtenay." The cd box lists the time as 3:15 but in actuality the song is more like 10 minutes of slowly building guitars, murmured, unintelligible vocals and, finally, a drawn-out guitar freakout. So I ask you: What's not to like?

Possible Boston-area Newspaper Headlines

1. Sox' Shoddy Play Angers Local Man
2. New Tunnel Ain't Worth a Hole in the Ground
3. Whites Unaffected by Climbing Murder Rate
4. Traffic Woes Set to Ease After Last Person Leaves City
5. Under Armour Ads During Sox Games Must Cease

It hasn't exactly been a stellar summer in these parts.

Weekly Soundtrack

90's Indie Edition

1. "Mystery Man" by Sebadoh...Inspired by Lolita? I don't know, but it could be.
2. "Blade of Grass" by Versus...Not my favorite song on this record and it's still fucking great. As I've said before: The Stars Are Insane was the best album of the 90's.
3. "Type Slowly" by Pavement...I've been going to these guys a lot lately, I know, and I can't really say why. Just something about 'em.

Red Sox Woes?

The Sox seem to be catching the injury bug at just the wrong time. The day before the trading deadline Trot Nixon goes down with a pulled muscle in his arm, and four hours after the trading deadline Jason Varitek twists an ankle or something and may be out until mid-September. All this while the Yankees are getting $16 million Bobby Abreu and some other serviceable parts from a couple out-of-it teams. Oh well, better luck next year. Or just maybe...
Let's take a look at the numbers. Beyond Trot's .187 for the month of July, he had 10 oh-fers in July, including an epochal 0 for 9 in the 19-inning game with the White Sox. Most shockingly, he had 17 total bases in the entire month. Seventeen! By contrast, Ortiz had 87 total bases in July, and in his worst month (May) he had 46. By more contrast, Alex Gonzalez had 43 total bases in July. Now, don't get me wrong. Trot has had at least two of the most dramatic home runs in modern Sox history, and his numbers this season (.294 BA, .396 OBP) aren't bad. But, for God's sake, he's a corner outfielder with no power and he's been a dead spot in the lineup for at least a month. I'm surprised Francona didn't stab him with a fork during a postgame buffet just to get him out of the lineup. To add to the positive spin, Nixon replacement and folk-hero-in-the-making Wily Mo Pena hit such a mammoth home run last night that it just showed up as a satellite at NORAD command center.
It's obvious that the Sox need another bat in the lineup, because you just can't count on facing idiot managers like Eric Wedge every night. Eventually, other teams are gonna find a way to neutralize Ortiz and Manny, even if it means walking them in unorthodox situations. There has to be another threat somewhere in the batting order and I say roll with big Wily Mo. By all accounts, he's the right fielder of the future, and baby, the future is now.
Varitek is a bigger loss at the plate, but that's not saying much. His value to the team (everyone says) is in the way he handles the pitching staff. As long as he's physically with the club he should be able to act as a coach for Mirabelli, passing along info and helping out with shit between innings. Besides, is it me or does Mirabelli have a knack for hitting big home runs? He's no Ortiz, but I seem to recall some clutch moments from DM and maybe I'm out of my mind, but what the hell. Judging from all the games Varitek has caught in the past five years, he could use a good month off.
It's still all about pitching, and the Sox don't really have enough, but it's been a more entertaining season than I thought it was going to be. You never can tell which team is gonna take off late in the season. Maybe it'll be Boston if they can find enough pitchers to fill out a five-man rotation. Maybe they'll fade with all the injuries, but if they do, it won't be these two injuries that put them out of it.

YouTube is the New Crack

This has to be the coolest clip since somebody invented videotape. And somebody else invented the VCR.

Weekly Soundtrack

The "Stop me before I post Loggins and Messina" Edition:

1. "Woman" by Wolfmother...This song is so dumb you knew it would end up here sooner or later. Proto-metal guitars, organ solos, and lyrics as bad as anything off Led Zeppelin II? One word, baby: fuckin' cool!
2. "Sincere" by Freedy Johnston...Nothing wrong with this song that a Deep Purple-style organ solo couldn't fix.
3. The Indestructible Beat of Soweto...The first album posted here mostly because I can't understand any of the lyrics and all the tunes are cool 80s-style Afro-pop, so why bother picking just one song?

Weekly Soundtrack

1. "Fire and Rain" by James Taylor
2. "Help Me" by Joni Mitchell
3. "It's Too Late" by Carole King

I don't think I've lost my mind, but maybe I have. Even though these songs are not sunny, upbeat tunes there is something so groovy and musical about them that they make a good soundtrack on a hot summer night. Also they each have good lines that stick in your head: "Dance with the lady with the hole in her stocking," is such a strong image that it dominates the song for me.

Weekly Soundtrack

1. "Letter Never Sent" by R.E.M...It's hard to describe how much I loved these guys. They were everything a lonely awkward teenager could ask for: they were a revelation and totally different from everything else, and discovering them was like finding a secret room in a house full of dithering idiots. Remember, Duran Duran was big back then, and every song on the radio in Upstate New York was either Rush or the Scorpions, and losers like the Fixx passed for New Wave.
There is a school of thought that the '80's were the worst decade in pop music, and if that is true, then '83 was the worst year of the worst decade. That was the year that Murmur came out, and it won Album of the Year in Rolling Stone and I had never fucking heard of it. That sort of let me know that there were worlds out there that didn't get played on Top-40 radio and that they were worth searching out. I actually bought Reckoning first for some reason, and listened to it at least a million times, and, if pot is the gateway drug that leads to the harder stuff, then R.E.M. was my pot, because in short time all my Yes and Supertramp albums sat unplayed while more and more obscure stuff filled my playlist. But R.E.M. was there first, and, like I said, it's hard to describe how much I loved these guys.

2. "Silence Kit" by Pavement...Total proof that that the actual words have very little to do with the feeling conveyed. This is such a slippery subject that I've avoided it several different times, but why is Exile on Main Street so good when you can't understand the words? Does knowing the lyrics to "Tumbling Dice" mean that you enjoy the song more than when you just sort of mumbled along? Why was Murmer the Album of the Year when no one could understand anything Stipe said? In Pavement's case you can understand the individual words, but they don't make any literal sense. So what's up? What makes those songs so evocative, and so much better than Blink 182? I think it's the way the words and meanings collide and bounce off each other that make it more satisfying than listening to some idiot sing "I love you."

3. "A Stroll" by Tom Verlaine

Weekly Soundtrack

1. "Stop Me If You Think That You've Heard This One Before" by the Smiths
2. "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now" by the Smiths
3. "This Charming Man" by the Smiths

Why is it that the UK iTunes store has the Smiths, but the US store does not? Hardly seems fair. My record player is not hooked up, so I can't play my stolen copy of Hatful of Hollow, and I need to hear "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now." Heaven knows I'm miserable now.

Not being able to hear the Smiths is actually making me more nostalgic for them than I actually am. While I had a single version of "How Soon Is Now" I never bought any of their other stuff, and I sort of thought they were a second-rate kind of band, even though an old girlfriend had a tape of The Queen Is Dead, and we played it a lot at the time. Obviously, I developed a fondness for them well after they broke up, but even now I don't rank them in my top 10 all-time bands.

It's odd the way music affects you. Sometimes hearing an old song makes you wistful for a time that you weren't even alive for. I'm sure there are some songs that I can't even remember that would unleash a flood of pent-up nostalgia, and I would only know it if I accidentally heard them on the radio. Which, say what you will about CD and MP3 players, hearing a song played at random on the radio is one of life's most capricious and magical moments. But what are my chances of hearing the Smiths played on the radio? Nil. So, c'mon, iTunes, get it together, will ya?

Season of Drugs

Here's one good thing about being Jason Grimsley...you know for sure that your season is over and that your career is in ruins. By all accounts there are twenty or so big-leaguers named in Grimsley's affidavit who are waiting for a team of special agents to appear on their doorstep asking to look in their medicine cabinets.
There is no way to avoid talking about drugs in any baseball-related conversation. Every time a middle reliever loses three MPH off a fastball it's because he stopped juicing. Every injury that doesn't involve obviously broken bones is looked at skeptically. Are you a power-hitter having an off year, or a marginal player having a magical season? Get ready for the whispers.
It has already been rumoured that Clemens late return was due to a failed drug test and that Pujols' injury is a sham to cover his suspension. Obviously, I don't know. Seeing video of Pujols certainly provokes some kind of suspicion: for God's sake he was running and pulled a muscle in his side so badly that he's gotta miss more than a month? People recover from heart surgery faster than that.
I want to see the game cleaned up, but I don't want my team disgraced. That is the fan's dilemma now. Something tells me that Giambi has a crate of HGH at his house, but Manny and Tek? No way, right? Well, don't be so sure. If the Bonds and Grimsley cases have taught baseball fans anything it's that steroids and HGH are friggin' everywhere and it shouldn't be any surprise when the next superstar to take a fall turns out to be your superstar.
It's a sad reality that drug scandals overshadow the games right now and it won't be long until the same pall falls across the NFL. It's gonna be a long hot summer for a lot of players, and maybe the novelty of these scandals has worn off, but I just want my game back.

Weekly Soundtrack

Geez, I should start calling this Monthly Soundtrack. I'm gonna quit my job in order to devote more time to this blog....

1. "High on Drugs" by the Titanics
2. "Everything Hits at Once" by Spoon
3. "Twin Cinemas" by the New Pornographers...because I like to stay a year or so behind the cutting edge.

Random Thoughts

The next time I hear someone say "That's just x being x," I'm gonna take a life. Talk about fucking played out! It's not funny, it's not clever, it's driving me crazy and it's ruining my life. Stop. It. Now.

When will Joe Torre get hammered for being the arrogant dink he is? He decided on Monday to have Wang pitch to Ortiz on a 3-0 count and Ortiz belts a two-run single. Why not just walk him? Torre sez, "If he walked, he walked. I wasn't going to concern myself...It certainly isn't a comfortable position to be in, but I understand why you would ask that question." Wow, Joe! I'm glad you understand why we would question you. You let Ramirez absolutely kill you all series long when there was no reason to, and if not for Clement, your team would have lost the series, but you don't concern yourself. I'm sure Steinbrenner loved reading that. If Francona gave bullshit answers like that he'd be attacked by rabid fans before he could get to his car. But Torre can dismiss anyone he feels like because he's got cache. Jeez, you'd think the Yankees have won the World Series the last ten years in a row. Oh, by the way: good job against Kansas City on Friday night.

Give me some credit: I tried watching the NBA playoffs, but I just can't take it. It's so obvious that the rules of the game aren't enforced equally and it just frustrates me. Lebron James can take five steps, carry the ball, and do whatever he wants and no whistle, but if someone from the Pistons so much as breathes on him Lebron's going to the line to take two. The thing is that everyone acts as if this isn't happening. Every slo-mo replays clearly shows James travelling like crazy, but the announcers never point it out. They just talk about what a great player he is. It's laughable. Say what you want about the stars getting the calls in baseball, but Pujols gets three strikes just like everyone else.
And then there's the pouting and outrageous behavior when a foul does get called. James has perfected the dismissive wave and the Pistons must practice complaining more than they practice free throws. Tayshawn Prince has this crazy thing he does with his arms and bends over to get right in the ref's face. Every call. Forget the technical foul, they should fucking run him the minute he opens his mouth. Anyway, it's unwatchable and no one says anything about it, so I just did.

Weekly Soundtrack

1. "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley...A strong contender for song of the summer. This song is so good I should list it twice.
2. "Teenage FBI" by Guided By Voices...They weren't always brilliant, but this song is too fantastic.
3. "Bring It To Jerome" by Bo Diddley...What a band Bo had: Bo on guitar, a stand-up drummer, harmonica player and a maraca player! He'd dominate today's alterna-scene rife with lame guitar-drums duos.

Everything Changes

Jesus, can time just stand still for a moment? I was digging through a bunch of homemade CDs I thought I made last fall and, damn, if they aren't almost two years old. I can't catch a break anywhere - all of a sudden my baby sounds like a little girl on the telephone. Worst of all, I'm driven to tears by random nostalgia...a passing tune makes me pause, "I'm in love with that song."
I still believe and hope that my best days are in front of me, but it's hard not to feel like I've wasted entire years doing nothing. The only thing I remember from 1997 is that the Florida Marlins won the World Series. Did nothing else notable occur that year? I hope to God sixty is the new forty like everyone says, because I haven't even hit thirty-nine yet and I feel like I need to make up some time somewhere.

Weekly Soundtrack

1. "Colin's Heros" by the Dambuilders....act your age, indeed.
2. "Mineral" by Buffalo Tom...before you think this might be some 'local bias' posting let me say that these lyrics have captivated me from the third or fourth time I heard them, and that was a long fucking time ago....Something about BT always got to me...maybe the way their lyrics always seemed to trace the outlines without touching on the heart of the matter.
3. "Sick of Myself" by Matthew Sweet...While the wife and baby are away on vacation I imagine that I wrote this song. And sang it. And played lead guitar on it.

Weekly Soundtrack

1. "She Will Be Loved" by Maroon 5
2. "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt
3. "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter

No, I haven't lost my mind. Keep reading...

Other Random Thoughts

Who does Jimmy Fallon have for an agent? Satan? Thank God his fifteen minutes are almost over, but, jeez, do I have to watch him in that annoying soda ad during every commercial break this season?

I knew the great pitching wasn't gonna last all season, but do you think the Sox could maybe put up a couple runs while their pitchers are getting shelled? After Beckett gave up the grand slam in the first the other night you knew that game was over. The bottom third of the batting order is a total joke, and any manager who doesn't just pitch around Papi and Manny and take his chances with everyone else should be fired (yes, I'm looking at you, Eric Wedge!).

The past few games have been painful as the Sox offense has looked positively Kansas Citian.

Souldn't someone tell the Red Hot Chili Peppers that they jumped the shark over a decade ago? Radio can just stop playing their music any time now.

I'm convinced that the Universal Mind is at work with the recent spate of nasally-voiced singers on the radio. I thought that friggin' "You're Beautiful" song was Maroon 5 for so long and I was totally shocked to find out it wasn't. Now this third dude comes along with "Bad Day," and suddenly we're overrun by these guys who not only sound exactly alike, but sing songs that are almost interchangably similar. Am I just getting old, or do they all suck, or both?

And speaking of "You're Beautiful," I'm thinking of creating a Bad Lyrics Hall of Fame and making it a charter member. "I will never be with you/and I don't know what to do." Kid, you gotta be fucking kidding me. Now get the hell out of here with that shit!

Weekly Soundtrack

1. "O My Soul" by Big Star....I know I put "Back Of A Car" on here a little while ago, but I can't stop listening to this friggin' album.
2. "Ramp of Death" by Stephen Malkmus....As always, I don't have any idea what it's about, but it has a cool vibe.
3. "Ten Years Gone" by Led Zeppelin....Nice evocative song and a great meandering guitar solo.

Resealable!!!

I'm looking at a new bag of Haines t-shirts from Target. My old ones are not so white anymore and they've shrunk a bit too much, so I bought a three-pack. No big deal. But wait!
Some genius at Haines has had a brainstorm. I'm not against brainstorms. I think tagless technology has changed the world for the better. It's so good, in fact, I don't know where Haines goes from there. But that has not stopped the Haines brain-trust. Just check out their new innovation: a resealable bag. (Feel free to pause for a moment of head-scratching befudlement.)
I have not done a formal survey, but I'm willing to bet that I'm not far from the t-shirt mainstream. When I buy new shirts I pull them out of the bag, and then throw away the bag. I mean, I've got a dresser to put my clothes in. I don't think I would use one shirt and then stash the other two for later. In fact, there's something vaguely hobo-ish about that concept. Or maybe it's the kind of thing your defense lawyer drops off before your trial starts.
The whole bag thing seems like just a silly way to add some value to their product, while actually doing nothing significant. It's just so misguided that it's laughable. I genuinely wish that other companies thought so much about their bags, though. Some products could benefit from the tremendous strides made in resealable-bag technology. Like, say, potato chips and bread. Or beer. (Just kidding. I can't believe you've read this whole thing.)

Opening Day and Others...

Ahhhh.....Opening Day at Fenway Park. When rich corporate-account-types and townies lucky enough to score both a ticket and a day off get to cheer on the hometown team and gloat like drunken monkeys for all the assembled television cameras. Jesus. Watching NECN coverage is turning my stomach. Yes, as a former Opening Day attendee it makes me sick to see these unworthy fools sitting in what should rightly be my seat at Fenway, but do they have to be so friggin' smug about it too? I wish it fuckin' rained on their asses. Not the kids though. Wait. How does a ten year-old kid make it to Opening Day? Why aren't they in school? That kid's parent(s) should be throw in jail, the kid given to DSS, and all their tickets given to more deserving fans, and I think you know who I'm talking about.

For all the crap athletes take about talking in cliches, the sports media needs to be called out for what it is: a bunch of unphotogenic fat guys saying the same phrases over and over and over...
Every time I hear someone talk about how an athlete stepped up it makes me want to put my foot through the radio. God, why do I listen? Maybe I can get a t-shirt that says "WEEI ruined my life."

Has any Sox player been as flat-out cool as David Ortiz? I'm a supposedly mature adult male with a house and a family I love and a long list of important concerns to occupy my mind and I'd seriously give anything to be him. Not just a great, clutch hitter, he seems to enjoy the game and himself so much that you can't help but dig him. I imagine he's the kind of guy who can't wait to get up every morning because his life is just so fantastic. He also has the ability to respond to a situation in a way that's so perfect it's almost like he can't be real. Watching him in the 2004 playoffs was like reading a hokey sports book, or watching a bad movie. His performance just wasn't plausible, yet there he was racking up memorable hit after memorable hit and creating a legend one at-bat at a time.

Baseball and more

Was Roger Clemens sitting in the Owner's Box in Texas yesterday? And talking about how much loves Boston? The balls on that guy are unreal. He needs to lose the Hamlet act ("To pitch or not to pitch?"), pick a team and get on with it, or retire. He's stringing four different teams along and it's only the second day of the season. Geez, what if Seattle starts 25-5? Does he start visting the Northwest and talking about how much his kids love to play Nintendo?

I can't be the only one who thinks this Red Sox team could totally shit the bed and miss the playoffs? I'm trying to be optimistic, but the team has changed a lot from last year, and while I'm not gonna miss Kevin Millar's act, does anyone know if Mike Lowell is gonna be any better?
I'm not saying they'll be lucky to finish ahead of the Blue Jays or anything, but there's really no way to tell if all the new pieces will gel. And talk radio losers are picking this team to win close to 100 games. Shit, Lobel thinks they win 95. All I'm saying is that every team has a down year (or decade), and I wouldn't be surprised if this turns out to be one for the Sox.

I can't wait until we get our cable package expanded and we have 90 channels of shit to not watch. Because now we only have 15 channels of nothing-worth-watching. I'm gonna love having NESN for the Sox, but, man, I'm gonna keep a loaded pistol on the end table just in case I watch more than 30 seconds of E! News.



Weekly Soundtrack
1. "The Animal Speaks" by Golden Palominos
2. "Pat's Trick" by Helium
3. "Away From the Numbers" by The Jam

Weekly Soundtrack

How bad is your life going when Richard Thompson is on your weekly soundtrack? Twice?

1. "Hand of Kindness" by Richard Thompson
2. "Wall of Death" by Richard and Linda Thompson
3. " Lou-ee, Lou-ee" by Fastball

Gotta throw a fast, fun tune in there somehow...

Random Thoughts

I'm waiting for an American Idol contestant to cover Patti Smith's version of "Gloria."

I wish there was a MLB team dumb enough to trade for David Wells, because I want him off the Sox. I know he's a "quality" left-hander, but he's also a loud-mouth guy in probably his last year, who obviously doesn't want to be here and could give a crap about this team. Let's see? Did I miss anything? Oh, yeah. He's got a bum knee. The way his contract is set up, he can't afford to miss any starts. So he'll go out every five days and pitch kinda good against crappy teams, kinda OK against good teams, and get shelled four or five times out. But he'll be more notable for the stupid stuff he say. Already this spring he's slammed Bud Selig and Francona, and there are still two weeks before the season even starts. Does the team need this sideshow for another year? I don't think so.

Even though I am an American and can't even really think about not living in America, I still get a little jolt of satisfaction when USA gets eliminated in international competition (basketball, hockey, and now, WBC). It's the same as when a high seed gets offed in the NCAA tourament.

The Gretzky gambling thing would be huge if anyone cared about hockey.

I thought I only dreamt that Grady Little was the manager of the Dodgers. And he's got Nomar to boot.

Speaking of which, has any athlete fallen off the radar faster than Ramon-spelled-backwards? I mean, jeez, wasn't he on a straight-line trajectory to Cooperstown?

Does Tom Menino really think that people aren't dying to leave Boston? Let's see....rediculous taxes, rising prices, rising crime, junkies everywhere and terrible police? I don't live in Boston, but it's clear to me that the city and the Commonwealth are failing everyone who isn't a millionaire living at the Ritz Towers. The powers-that-be seem to think we should be grateful to live in the reflected glory of the Big Schools, but even a cursory look outside MA reveals big-time quality-of-life bargains and with the savings I'll buy NESN on the dish and listen to EEI on-line.

Weekly Soundtrack

Feeling pretty pensive this week...no big yucks in this list.

1. "Jealous of the Moon" by Nickel Creek
2. "Lights Are Changing" by The Bevis Frond
3. "Back Of A Car" by Big Star

Weekly Soundtrack

I had a Culture Club song stuck in my head today and was gonna list it here, but I don't wanna give the wrong impression.

1. "Do You Like Me" by Fugazi
2. "Beck's Bolero" by Jeff Beck
3. "Wichita Lineman" by Johnny A.

More Bonds!

O, happy day!!! I feel the way John Stewart felt when Dick Cheney shot his hunting buddy. Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams are my new heros for writing "Game of Shadows." I love this book so much and it hasn't even been released yet. I may buy two copies. This is the greatest day since October 27, 2004.
Does it seem like I hate one Mr. B. Bonds? Well I do. I do do do do. I mentioned last week how I would never watch his reality show, but now that his reality has been blown to dust, I'm interested. They should change the name to Everybody Hates Barry and add a laugh track. Seriously, what happens to the show now? Bonds would have to be delusional to think it's still a good idea, but, then again, he thought it was a good idea to take massive amounts of steroids and get as big as a professional wrestler, so maybe he's just plain out of his mind.
The guy is a textbook sociopath, and so richly deserving of public humiliation that even his staunchest supporters are starting to come around to reality. For God sakes, even Tim Kurkjian says that Bonds has come (and I love this) "dangerously close to losing his Hall of Fame vote." Jesus! Bonds could commit mass murder on the baseball diamond and Kurkjian would vote him in because he put up HOF numbers before the killings.
Would a sane person in Bonds position have retired already? Yes, just look at McGuire. He got out ahead of the posse, dropped off the radar-screen, and is probably golfing his ass off even as we speak. But fucking psycho Bonds keeps coming back year after year to face the same questions and rumors and you just kind of marvel at the audacity of the guy. For the past six years, Bonds and his steroid-enhanced numbers have hijacked the whole game of baseball and he refuses to relinquish it. He's like a horror-movie monster, impervious to attack. Let's hope "Game of Shadows" is the final stake in his fiendish heart.

Kill Yr TV!

"Barry Bonds' reality TV show chronicling the slugger during his pursuit of Hank Aaron's career home run record will debut April 4 on EPSN2, the network announced Wednesday." (AP)


Anyone care to try to explain why the fuck I'd want to watch Barry Bonds do anything other than go over a cliff in a car with no brakes? Hmmmm....Let's see....most flagrant cheater in the history of sports? Check. Guy facing an income-tax rap stemming from cash gifts given to his girl-on-the-side? Check. Guy who doesn't care about anyone not named "Barry Bonds?" Check. Guy whe used his own son as a feel-sorry-for-me prop at a press conference last spring. Check, check and check.

It's almost impossible to describe what a bad idea this is. Obviously Bonds is trying to rehab his image, although that implies that he was ever anything but a surly jerk-off. So what gives? He wants to crawl out from under the cloud of steroids and lend some legitimacy to his home run chase. Maybe he figures that having a camera follow him around showing him not doing steroids will turn public opinion. Somehow, I don't think it will. And after the Paula Abdul stunt the other day, many people have to be questioning his very sanity right about now.
This show could be a veritable bonanza of unintentional comedy as it shows good ol' Barry cracking bad jokes in the clubhouse, trying to horse around with teammates whose names he can't remember, and lending advice to bat boys who have been told not to speak directly to him. He'll be like Steve Carrell's character in The Office: the kind of guy who doesn't understand how unfunny and out-of-touch he actually is.
What if he gets off to a slow start? Will he sulk and banish the cameras from the clubhouse? What if they get some totally devastating footage? Who is in charge of what goes on the air? Ultimately, who cares? I don't think there will be too many fans with enough empathy for Barry to bother tuning in. ESPN is claiming that the show will have some historical import, as Barry inches closer to swiping the most sacred number in sports. I wonder what Hammerin' Hank has to say about that.

Weekly Soundtrack

Why didn't anyone tell me the Hellacopters were so friggin' great? Am I the last one to find this out? Where have I been? I downloaded one of their records last weekend and I haven't stopped playing it yet. This isn't like the time when I went from hating the Allman Brothers to loving Dickie Betts in one week. I mean, I had never laid ears on them before, and now...well I have them playing right now.
I think it's crazy that they aren't all over the radio. I would guess that they are a little too straight-ahead rockin' for college radio and not glitzy enough for commercial stations. Whatever, dude. All I know is I keep hearing those crappy new Foo Fighters songs and Velvet Revolver and shit...I think these guys could wipe the floor with those bands.

(Wouldn't it be funny if I randomly got the only decent Hellacopters record and blabbed about how great they were when in fact they really just once-in-a-lifetime lucked out? Hilarious.)

1. "Hopeless Case of a Kid In Denial" by The Hellacopters
2. "Gloria" by Patti Smith

3. "No Song Unheard" by The Hellacopters

Weekly Soundtrack 4

So I missed a week. After spending 10 days in South Carolina be thankful I don't post some Toby Keith bullshit.
And speaking of ol' TK: do you think he ever feels penned in by his jingo-redneck persona? Does he ever feel like expanding his artistic boundaries? After listening to twenty-five "America Will Blow Your Country to Smithereens"-style demos, does he throw on The Queen is Dead and wonder how he could be more like Morrissey?
But I think the same questions could be asked about any artist. Does Jimmy Buffett wish he could be more like Tom Waits? Does Kelly Clarkson want her next album to sound like My Bloody Valentine? Does Adam Sandler yearn to do Shakespeare?
What is it that makes an artist singular? Why can't Toby Keith cover "Suedehead" on his next album? Why do the Stones play "Satisfaction?" Because they want to? Or maybe it's because that's just what they do. Like the scorpion who kills the frog in the middle of the river, maybe it's just their nature.

1. "Doctor Wu" by Steely Dan

2. "One Note Samba" by Antonio Carlos Jobim
3. "Motel Matches" by Elvis Costello

Weekly Soundtrack 3

1. "Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace" by Terry Reid
2. "Prince Valium" by Joe Pernice
3. "Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace" by Cheap Trick

Rules to Live By

Now that the friggin' Steelers have one for the thumb, it's time to move on to more important issues, namely,

Don't Go Out of Your Way to Piss Off Muslims.

Don't publish inflammatory cartoons of Muhammed. Do Muslims seem like the kind of people who take this stuff lightly? Will millions of barely educated Muslims wait until they have all the facts before they blow their stacks? Do they seem like the sort of people who will say, "Of course, in a free society you may freely blaspheme our Prophet!" In short, will they get the joke? No.
I'm not saying that riots are a proper response, but anyone who's been paying attention should have known that publishing irrelegious cartoons is gonna get you in trouble. And as always, there are some who want to fan the flames of this, and get the crowds riled up, because it's good for business. And mocking their religion plays right into their hands.

Super Bowl

I have realized that I can live with the Steelers winning tonight as long as one thing happens: Joey Porter gets seriously jacked-up. He's the kind of loutish big-mouth who's just begging for a beating. He's like Ray Lewis without the murder charge (yet). Unfortunately, as a linebacker he's probably going to be in position to deliver more shots than he takes, unless he gets blindsided. Still I'm sure there are plenty of Seahawks who will be looking to ring his bell.
Go to the Boston Herald website and read Michael Felger's great series of Pittsburgh hatchet jobs. He ripped the team and called Cowher a loser and generally dissed them every chance he got. Plus he touted Seattle all week on his radio show. I'm surprised Joey Porter hasn't pulled a knife on him.

Weekly Soundtrack 2

1. "Gimme Shelter" by the Rolling Stones
2. "New Animals From the Air" by Eluvium
3. "Ain't That Nothin'" by Television

Steelers Must Lose!

I meant to rip the Steelers all last week and never got around to it and, damn, if Felger didn't write the perfect anti-Steelers column today. Anyway,
My top three reasons for hating the Steelers:
1. The hair. Troy Polamalu's hair is some kinda cultural thing, but what happened to Ben Roethlisberger? He looks like he adopted Jake Plummer as his style icon. Get a friggin haircut.
2. The jabber. Joey Porter bitches before the Indy game about how Indy isn't a real team. This is after the Colts dismantled them on Monday Night Football. After the Steelers beat Indy he bitches how the refs wanted the Colts to win. Win or lose he's yapping. Dude, shut up already.
3. Cowher. The 'stache, the jaw, the spit flying out of his mouth. It all adds up to one big downer for me. He's like a cartoon version of a football coach and his only saving grace is that his teams lose in big games. If the Steelers win he'll have absolutely nothing going for him.
So now I'm stuck rooting for the Seahawks and they should be called the Owls because looking at their roster makes you say, "Who? Who?" I just know that Hasselbeck has been dying to revert to his Favre, Jr. mode and throw a couple killer interceptions and this is gonna be his game. Or maybe not. Maybe Seattle can win. No one knows.
But I do know that it will be a dark day when Cowher gets to lay his hands on the Super Bowl trophy.

Martial Law Here We Come!!

"The Consti-whosis? I'll let the President decide what's best."

Weekly Soundtrack

1. "The Beast and Dragon, Adored" by Spoon
2. "Radar Follows You" by Versus
3. "Stuck Inside of Mobile With the Memphis Blues Again" by Bob Dylan

auto repair 101

The most important thing to keep in mind when attempting to fix your car yourself is: let someone else fix your car. In an attempt to save some $$, I tried fixing my brakes myself. Let me emphasize how important brakes are: Brakes are very important. I am keenly aware of this now that I have gone from brakes that work, albeit noisily, to brakes that no longer work at all.
Now my sad-ass car sits in a garage where professionals try to suss the damage. I can only hope that repairing my repair costs less that it would to have had them do the repair in the first place. In the meantime, I ride the bus.